I'LL HAVE 2 COORS AND 2 SHOTS OF TEQUILA PLEASE ...

So I'm going to Ukraine. September 28th. Ukraine is a helluva long ways from where I am right now. That's fine.
I'll be teaching high school English, not sure where though. I'll get my assignment after I finish 3 months of in-country training. Ukraine. Holy flying Christ. Up in the sky. On fire. Wearing a skirt. A skirt made of puppies.

Here's an aerial photo of Kiev as taken by a spy satelite that mostly likely is watching you right now.
Seems like a nice place.


Here's an aerial photo of Chernobly as taken by another spy satelite that is most likely watching you right now. Chernobyl's just up the road from most of the rest of Ukraine.
You can almost see the radioactive packs of wolves feeding on the carcasses of tuberculated horses in the 20-year-empty apartment blocks. I personally can't wait to see them in, well, person.

So last night Schuyler and I went to a bar in Dubois with Rocky O'Neil Junior. Rocky's the guy that takes care of the horses here at Camp Tolerance, he's a full blown cowboy with boots and a hat and all that shit, grew up in Crowheart, and somehow in spite of looking like he just got off the boat from Ireland, he's 1/4 Shoshone. He's a year or two older than me, and when you chat with him, he throws down more one liners than you could count: no shit, I'll be danged, hell yes, you betcha, that sonuvabitch, yup sir, I believe it, I don't believe it, etc. Typically that'd all come out in a conversation of no more than 2 or 3 sentences.

We rolled over to the Rustic Pine Bar and Steakhouse after that Dubois Rodeo in which Rocky rode 3 heats in the team roping competition, and upon our arrival the three of us proceeded to get shitfaced. The place was packed, probably 150 people, and Schuyler and I were the only dudes in the place not in wranglers or a cowboy hat.

Was there a band you ask? Why yes indeed, old dudes playing old songs. Lots of classic rock on a 6 string bass. The drummer smoked the entire night, 3 hours at least. He played choked up on his sticks so that he hardly made a noise when he hit, you could hear him smoking more than you could hear him play.

Next thing you know I'm dancing. Not just dancing, but two-stepping. Rocky and I had been swapping tequila shots and I could hardly even see the ground, but I somehow got my two-step on. Yee-haw.

Then there was a fight. Some young dude that could hardly stand up was pointing his finger at some old dude that was ready to ruin the young dude's night. Some shoving ensues, and then a giant, a 450 pound 9 foot tall red-necked sasquatch with a goatee and a NASCAR hat bear-hugged the squabble and pushed the whole thing down the bar and towards the pool tables. Pretty much the entire bar's drinks were spilt at this point, and just when it looks like shit's going to get all Dukes of Hazard, Rocky jumps into the middle of the whole mess with a margarita in each hand and yelling, 'Hold on there, I'll be damned we gotta settle down yup sir no shit I'll be danged,' and that was the end of it.

And I kept getting drug out onto the floor to two-step. I don't even think the songs were two-stepable, they were playing Steppenwolf and shit. Whatever. Aside from the 9 foot tall giant redneck, I'm pretty sure I was 10 feet taller than anyone else on the dance floor, and I was wasted, so picture it in your head if you will, cowboy bar full of cowboys and cowgirls and one wasted, wobbling, hunch-backed Canadian by way of SLC trying to two-step to some shitty Eagles song without spilling his beer. Heheh.

Next thing I know, the young guy from the fight is passed out in a lawn chair at one of the tables around the dance floor, and Rocky is pouring his drink down the young guy's shirt. Schuyler gets ready to give the kid a wet willy, but Rocky waives him off and does the job his ownself. After that shit's really hazy.

In my head the clock is definitely ticking. I'm having a nice time here in wild, wonderful Wyoming and everything, but I am very much missing my friends and D$. Now that I'm locked in with a departure date I'm wanting more and more to not be here amongst the great emptiness.

I'm going to make a better effort at keeping this shit updated. I've got a couple more poems to put up and I'm going to take a crack at treating this more like a blog, so expect a whole bunch of shit that doesn't really mean a whole lot to anyone but me.

Now it's nap time.